dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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