I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
