Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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