Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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