Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
We're too hungover to prance.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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