Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
