So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize