smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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