after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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