Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
