Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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