if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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