Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
