i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
