xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
