I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
