return my video game
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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