dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
