my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize