the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
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