you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
