I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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