sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
