does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
