Do you still have your period?
that's an acceptable place to lick
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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