Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
