Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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