i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Can't talk, ducks in the car
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
soo... how was my night?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
