there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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