If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
