Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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