They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
