i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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