maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
