UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
