32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
