My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
