with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
