Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
