Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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