i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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