I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
