when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
It's shark week go big or go home
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Randomize