"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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