the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
porn star boner night. come get it.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
