I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
