help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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