But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
