Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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