That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
