I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
