guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
he high fived his dick after we had sex
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
