They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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