Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
They are going to name an STD after you.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
