Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
