he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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