My sheets look like a crime scene.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
