she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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