too bad you live with your parents still
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
