Duck Duck Cougar?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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