i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
