I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
