Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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