brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
