Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
