3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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