Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Randomize