We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
