Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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