he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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