you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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