So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Randomize
