apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
40s are totally the cure
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
