I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
