Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
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