He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
