some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
