I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
