oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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