I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
