there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
