The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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