So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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