I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
