Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Randomize
